Do you want to learn how to have intimate sex that brings you and your partner closer together? Perhaps you want to rekindle the passion in your relationship. Maybe you are looking to supercharge your romantic relationship with more intimacy. This illustrated guide will teach you how to do all that and more!
Intimacy is the elixir of every sexual relationship. It’s the fire that makes your heart flutter when you lay eyes on each other. It’s the spark that makes you do crazy, passionate things together, no matter the time or place. It’s the magic that makes you feel you can’t wait another second until you are in each other’s arms.
But once intimacy goes away, it leaves a cavernous void. Without intimacy, you’ll have a hard time keeping the wheels of romance turning smoothly. Perhaps your partner doesn’t seem as attracted to you as they once were.
Maybe the wild, mind-blowingly great sex you used to have together seems like a distant memory. Perhaps sex has started to diminish to just once a month or a couple of times per year.
This guide will help you understand all that and help you reintroduce intimacy to your relationship. Even if the passion is still there, we’ll show you how to skyrocket your sex life and send your intimacy levels to the moon. So, read on and discover exactly how to have intimate sex and take your relationship to the next level!
Also, check out my brand new video program – Squirting Triggers 2.0 – all about how to give any girl amazing, intense orgasms easily.
In this guide, we’ll be discussing things like:
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- Why intimacy?
- What does intimacy mean to you?
- How intimacy makes us aroused
- How to talk to your partner about sex
- What makes your partner not want you like before?
- How to explore non-sexual touching
- How to boost intimacy with food
- How to get him in the mood
- How to get her in the mood
- Top 3 intimate sex positions to try out
- Crazy ways to supercharge every sex session
Sound fair? Then let’s get to it! This guide is fairly long and detailed so if you are looking for some specific info, feel free to skip right ahead!
Intimacy is a natural part of sexual expression and is connected to our innate desire for pleasure. Sadly, many of us lose touch with our intimacy and focus more on what we are doing rather than who we are and how we relate to our partners.
When intimacy dwindles, some of the common issues that couples experience include:
- No longer feeling as attracted to each other as before
- Lack of sex drive
- Low levels of passion
Boosting your levels of intimacy can help address all of these issues and more. Once we reconnect to the innermost parts of our ourselves and restore our levels of intimacy with our partners, we can realize our destiny as the creators of our own realities.
Intimacy provides a foundation on which our sexual relationships are built. It improves our mental and physical health and allows us to build strong, vibrant relationships based on self-respect, self-love, and inquiry.
What does intimacy mean to you?
Be honest; when you think of intimacy, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Wild, passionate sex? Toe-curlingly good orgasms? Sexually fulfillment for both yourself and your partner?
When most people think about intimacy, they usually view it through the lens of sex. Although sex is one of the most intimate acts you can do with your partner, it’s a very narrow way of looking at intimacy.
Being intimate with someone can include:
- Understanding them
- Caring about them
- Wanting to be there for them
- Talking to them
Once you view intimacy in this light, you’ll see that physically having sex is just one small part of the puzzle. If the supporting factors aren’t there, sex is just a physical act. In fact, penetrative sex can be far less intimate than other activities such as kissing.
Intimacy isn’t dependent on how long you’ve known someone; you can have a deep, instant connection with someone you’ve just met. But intimacy is about being vulnerable and being able to be yourself without fear of being rejected.
It’s about being cherished, feeling special and having someone else prioritize you. Once you think about it, there may be far more intimacy in your relationship than you first thought, even if you seldom have sex!
How intimacy makes us aroused
Sex is undoubtedly one of the most thought-about issues in our culture. We joke about it endlessly, talk about it constantly, and think about it more than just about anything else! We grow up and learn the basic mechanics of having sex and there’s certainly no shortage of information about sexual practices, but few of us think about what happens to our bodies before we have sex.
What makes us aroused? One of the keys to enjoyable sex is a hormone called oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ or even the ‘cuddle hormone.’ Our bodies release it when we become aroused but there’s more to this wonder hormone than meets the eye.
You see, any form of touching releases oxytocin, whether it’s touching another person or petting a dog. Oxytocin is found in both human sperm and in the pessaries given to pregnant women to induce labor. The contractions that women experience during childbirth? That’s oxytocin working its magic.
So who first discovered the link between sex and oxytocin? Although oxytocin was discovered by Sir Henry H. Dale in 1909, the link between this hormone and arousal wasn’t made until the mid-1950s. In 1956, William Masters and Virginia Johnson at Washington University in St Louis started working on developing an explanation of what happens during sex.
Their research resulted in the 1966 book, Human Sexual Response, in which they described a four-stage cycle in heterosexual sex. Masters and Johnson identify the first stage as the arousal phase where kissing and fondling helps us become excited. They found that having their nipples fondled is highly arousing for over 80 percent of women and over 50 percent of men.
Their research helped explain why intimate, sensual touching is essential for arousal; without intimacy, sex can’t follow. The problem with oxytocin is that it’s a case of use it or lose it. If you aren’t touching, kissing, or cuddling your partner, oxytocin levels will drop and libido will likely plummet too.
It’s easier to get into a sexual rut than most people imagine. We’re bombarded with stimuli during our stressful, busy lives and simply don’t give ourselves enough time to unwind and relax.
So, what’s the solution? Start scheduling sex! It may feel unnatural and forced but sometimes you need to make intimacy habitual before it can become spontaneous.
How to talk to your partner about sex
So far, we’ve established that intimacy is about much more than the mechanics of sex; it’s about completely trusting someone and feeling vulnerable, wanted, and valued without any fear of judgment. But we’ve also seen how arousal isn’t possible without touching and tender acts such as kissing, fondling, and petting.
To bridge the gap, you need to know how to talk to your partner about sex. Opening up about your needs and desires can help supercharge your intimacy levels and transform your relationship.
How? Paradoxically, talking about sex can make you feel much more vulnerable than actually doing it. But it’s precisely this vulnerability that helps you create the right circumstances in which intimacy can flourish.
Talking about sex helps you:
- Share your likes and dislikes
- Make your expectations clear
- Learn how to pleasure and please each other
If communicating about sex with your partner is a challenge, it’s likely far from the only problem you’re experiencing in your relationship. You may be harboring resentment about something else, or communicating poorly about everything, not just sex.
So, where should you start? Here are some tips on how to talk about sex.
Tip #1. Don’t judge or threaten
It’s rarely justifiable to complain about your partner; this may come across as threatening and cause them to shut down. Try being positive instead of critical by using ‘I’ sentences instead of ‘You’ sentences. For example, saying “I feel that…” is much less judgmental than saying “You make me feel…”. Try it and see!
Tip #2. Start with easier topics
You can begin to build intimacy with easier topics such as contraception before tackling more difficult conversations such as your sexual likes or dislikes. The same advice goes to sharing your fantasies: start will your vanilla fantasies before moving on to more challenging ones.
Tip #3. Choose your time carefully
You may want to choose an activity away from the bedroom to get the ball rolling – such as sharing some wine or watching an erotic movie. This lessens the feeling of vulnerability and helps you ease into the topic, instead of tackling it head-on in the heat of the moment.
Tip #4. Own your orgasms
In many relationships, intimacy is lost because one partner believes that they have the power, or responsibility, to pleasure the other person, or ‘give them’ an orgasm. They don’t. If you take ownership of your own orgasms, you’ll see that it’s not your partner’s fault for ‘not’ giving you one. This approach eliminates performance anxiety and makes it almost impossible to blame the other person.
Tip #5. Try to really listen
We are all hardwired to think that our experiences are the only ones that matter. This makes it difficult to accept what we are hearing as we want to believe that other perspectives are wrong.
Instead of thinking about what to say next, try to remain curious at all times and really listen to what your partner is saying. Use phrases such as “Tell me more about…” to understand as much as possible about what your partner likes and dislikes.
What makes your partner not want you like before?
Do you feel that the passion has fizzled out of your relationship? Has your sex life plateaued or stalled completely? The reason could be dwindling levels of intimacy. As we’ve discussed, a lack of intimacy is often caused by low levels of oxytocin which leads to low libido. This can manifest itself in a number of ways.
You may experience:
- A lack of interest in sex
- A low sex drive
- An indifference towards physical contact
As we’ve discussed, the real reason why your partner doesn’t want you like before may have nothing to do with sex. There may be some completely unrelated issue that they are dealing with.
Using the tips described above, it’s possible to talk with your partner about sex and dig down into the underlying factors. It will require time and patience but should help you understand things from your partner’s perspective.
How to explore non-sexual touching
As we mentioned earlier in the guide, even non-sexual forms of touching can release the love hormone oxytocin. That’s why exploring platonic ways to feel close and connected with your partner can help you build levels of intimacy.
What do we mean by ‘non-sexual?’ There are many ways to increase the intimacy in your life that have nothing to do with sex. It could be a deep and meaningful conversation, holding hands, or even locking eyes with someone across a crowded room. Even something as simple as eating together can help you feel more closely connected and begin to start building emotional intimacy.
Here are three tips for exploring platonic forms of touching and injecting a little intimacy into your life.
Tip 1. Ditch the devices
Unless you’re someone who only touches your partner when you want sex, it’s highly likely that you’re already doing some of the things we mentioned above. The question is how you’re doing them.
You may be eating together, but are you also binge-watching Netflix and scrolling through your Twitter feeds on your phones? We’re living through a transitional period where the harm that mobile device addiction causes is only just starting to become better understood. The term ‘digital distraction’ has become a popular way of describing this phenomenon; we’re with other people, but often distracted by, or focused on, the glowing screens in our hands.
One way to boost intimacy is to have a set period with no devices. It could be a meal, watching a movie or unwinding with a glass of wine. Let the conversation flow and the touching or cuddling will evolve naturally from there, helping to spark intimacy.
Tip 2. Offer a massage
Massage is not only highly therapeutic, but it is also a great way of bonding with your partner and creating a sense of intimacy. Massage has a range of great health benefits; it can help us de-stress, allow us to unwind and aid us in finding a balance that can often remain elusive in our daily lives. Trying offering your partner a massage and see where it leads. It could be a simple foot rub or shoulder massage at the end of a long day at work.
Tip 3. Let your arousal simmer
Although we’ve presented arousal as a physical phenomenon, it’s also about your mental state of mind. Something as simple as the smell of your partner’s perfume, or the sensation of gliding your fingertips over their forearm can help you get a little more absorbed in your partner.
The key to building intimacy is to embrace the fact that arousal doesn’t have to lead to sex or having an orgasm. This is known as ‘simmering’ and it’s an effective way of building the levels of intimacy with your partner. Take a little longer than usual as you touch your partner and let your arousal levels simmer while you hug or cuddle them.
How to boost intimacy with food
Whether you’re looking to bring intimacy back into your relationship, or already have a great relationship and want to improve it, food should be your go-to solution!
Why? Food is often described as the ‘gateway to intimacy’ and plays a major role in fostering intimacy in relationships. Lovingly preparing a nice meal shows thoughtfulness and helps foster feelings of comfort, trust, and openness – all vital emotions that can help you build intimacy. So, whether you want to reignite a spark in a dulled partnerships or want to enhance your passion, here are five tips for boosting intimacy with food.
Tip 1. Test new foods together
There’s nothing more intimate than buying something new and sharing it together. The excitement of having and sharing first experience is an incredibly powerful bonding opportunity. You may not remember much else about the day you first tasted, say, caviar, but you’ll remember every second of the time your lover spoon-fed you some while gazing into your eyes.
Tip 2. Feed each other
Intimacy will flourish when you feel a connection with your partner and make them the sole focus of your attention. The best way? Feed them! Watching their expressions as they experience enjoyment is magical. It shows them that they have your full attention and this helps them relax and feel intimate with you.
Tip 3. Take it with you!
Food is like the ultimate extension of cuddle – you can take it virtually anywhere and touch someone’s life with love and kindness. Try taking a bottle of wine and some cheese to the sofa while you cuddle and watch your partner melt into your arms. Cooking and eating together is the perfect way to inject some intimacy back into your relationship, or send it to higher levels.
How to get him in the mood
If your partner is male, most of the ideas we’ve discussed so far will work a treat for getting him in the mood!
- Giving him a sensual massage
- Preparing a little taste test
- Feeding him some of his favorite food
But where do you go from there? Once he’s nice and relaxed, simply talking with him can work wonders. Show your vulnerability by broaching the topics of your sexual likes and dislikes, ask him to share his and see whether the conversation goes.
If sex is on the cards, oral sex is an incredibly intimate way of showing him how much you care. If you’re looking for specific ideas, we suggest a kneeling blowjob position known as ‘The Boss Chair’.
The Boss Chair
Here’s what to do:
- Have your guy sit on a sofa or recliner and gently encourage him to undress, the slower the better. Stare into his eyes as you help him unbuckle his belt and slide off clothing, before gently spreading his legs.
- Taking a small cushion or pillow, kneel between his legs and start stroking his inner thighs. To send him into overdrive, reach up and fondle his nipples while simultaneously kissing his testicles.
- Gently hold his shaft in your hands and start stroking up and down. The actual mechanics of giving a blowjob will depend on his preferences – ask him whether he likes it deep and fast, or gently and slowly.
- For extra stimulation, you can swirl your tongue around the head of his penis while fondling his testicles. To heighten the sense of intimacy, try to maintain eye contact throughout. He’ll not only find this incredibly erotic, but it helps maintain communication too. Blowjobs are far more intimate if you make sure he knows he is the sole focus on your attention and affection.
If you’d prefer, you can try a standing variation of this position, known simply as ‘The Elevator’.
How to get her in the mood
If your partner is female, helping her build her arousal levels is a breeze when you follow the advice in this guide.
She’ll love things such as:
- Thoughtfully preparing a delicious meal or taste test
- Feeding her some new or exciting food
- Giving her a sensual massage
- Showing your vulnerability and interest by discussing your likes, dislikes, and fantasies and listening to hers
So where do you take things from there? A frank, open discussion about sexual preferences is a natural prelude to sex. After kissing, you can move to fondle and suggest giving her oral sex. Going down on your woman is an especially intimate way of expressing your love and desire for her.
If she’s open to it, we suggest a tender position known as ‘The One Up’.
The One Up
Here’s what to do:
- Have your woman sit on a sofa or on the edge of a bed and gently encourage her to undress slowly and sensually. Take a small cushion or pillow and kneel on the floor while staring into her eyes as you tenderly help her slide off her clothing.
- Gently lift up one of her legs and encourage her to loop her hands under her thigh. Start by stroking and caressing her erogenous zones such as her inner thigh before kissing and nibbling up towards her clitoris.
- This position causes her hips to tilt and puts her clitoris in the perfect position for cunnilingus. To make it all the more intimate, focus on looking up at her as you start kissing, stroking and licking her clitoris. As you go down on her, she’ll be able to help add some movement and guide you to the perfect spot.
- To make this position truly intimate, make sure she knows that she’s the center of your attention. Communicate throughout by asking her what she likes or dislikes and perhaps by asking her to show you. For example, some women are especially sensitive down one side of their clitoris, so she may prefer to swap legs and guide your mouth and tongue into the perfect position.
The One Up is one of the most intimate oral sex positions as it encourages face-to-face communication and lets you maintain eye contact. Try placing a small cushion or pillow under her head, she’ll be able to gaze down on you as you pleasure her.
Top 3 intimate sex positions to try out
While oral sex may lead to one, or both partners, achieving orgasm, most couples will use it as foreplay that leads to penetrative sex. Here is a step-by-step guide to the top three sex positions that maximize levels of intimacy.
The acronym C.A.T. stands for ‘Coital Alignment Technique’ and is one of the most intimate sex positions ever. The C.A.T offers the face-to-face contact that most women crave, plus it all but guarantees strong clitoral stimulation. According to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, over 70 percent of women can orgasm with this technique!
As a variation of the standard missionary position, the C.A.T. is fairly easy to perform and has a great success rate. Here’s how to do it:
- She lies on the bed, and he lays on top to assume the standard missionary position. But instead of being chest-to-chest, he puts his chest further up and over her left or right shoulder.
- She bends one of her legs at a 45-degree angle. This will push the base of his shaft into direct contact with her clitoris.
- As he thrusts in and out, she can rock back and forth for greater stimulation.
The Horny Mantis
The Horny Mantis, also known as ‘Gift Wrapped,’ is one of the most intimate, relaxing sexual positions that you need to know! With her arms and legs wrapped around her lover’s body, this position encourages feelings of tenderness and lovingness that is sure to help foster intimacy.
Here’s how it’s done.
- Both partners lie on their sides and face each other.
- She lifts one of her legs and he slides between her legs and enters her.
- She wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his upper back.
- He thrusts and rocks until one or both partners climax.
This extremely relaxing and intimate position offers very deep penetration while letting her adjust the depth of her partner’s thrusts using her legs.
The Cowgirl, or ‘Woman on top’ position, is great for intimacy as it’s simple to do and easy to get right. It gives her face-to-face contact for a deepened sense of intimacy. Oh, and did we mention it’s awesome for both G-spot and clitoral stimulation?
Here’s how to master the Cowgirl position like a pro:
- He lies down on the bed and she straddles his body to maneuver into position.
- After he enters her, she has almost complete control over the depth and speed of the thrusts.
- As an alternative to up and down thrusting, rocking backward and forwards works just as well. A rocking motion produces great stimulation as her clitoris and vulva rub against his pubic bone.
- She can even remain static while he thrusts up into her.
Crazy ways to supercharge every sex session
Mind-blowing sex is a great opportunity to build intimacy with your partner. And what better way to do this than by supercharging your sex session?
According to a recent Australian study, only around a third of women can orgasm through regular sex. So here are three ways that will send your lovemaking off the chart.These techniques will help both partners achieve mind-numbingly great orgasms time and time again, supercharging their intimacy levels.
1. Tease her ilioinguinal nerve
At the top of your woman’s inner thigh, you’ll find her ilioinguinal nerve, and this is one of the most powerful nerves in her entire body. The ilioinguinal nerve responds best to light kisses so you’ll want to slowly and gently kiss your way upwards from her inner knee to towards the top of her inner thigh.
One of the best positions to do this is called the ‘Lazy Girl,’ also known as ‘Heir to the Throne.’ While this doesn’t provide the same face-to-face opportunity as the One Up position we described earlier, it’s perfect if you want to see her writhe in ecstasy!
Here’s how to do it:
- She sits on a chair and you gently encourage her to part her legs.
- Taking a small cushion or pillow, you kneel on the floor between her legs.
- You start with, you’ll want to begin with a gentle foot massage and then start showering her calves with little kisses and gentle nibbles.
- As you reach her knee, begin stroking, licking and sucking her inner thigh area to stimulate her ilioinguinal nerve.
- When you reach her vulva, start stimulating her vagina and clitoris with your mouth and tongue using light circular motions.
- Try to ask her what feels good and let her know that she’s the center of your universe.
The Lazy Girl is perfect for intimacy as she’ll be able to see you between her legs. You can try this position on any seat, sofa or bed and it works great on a swivel chair too!
2. Try the Lying Mantis for a shared experience
The act of simultaneously giving and receiving pleasure helps create the perfect conditions for intimacy to flourish. The Lying Mantis, also known as the Sideways Sixty-Nine position, is simply the standard ‘Sixty Nine’ position with you both laying on one side.
Here’s how it’s done:
- She lies on the bed while he lies down with his head towards his lover’s vagina.
- She parts her legs as he goes down on her.
- He moves his hips until he’s in the perfect position for a blow job.
This position is more relaxing than the ‘Sixty Nine’ position and leaves both partners with one free hand with which to stroke and stimulate the other person’s body.
3. Try the Legs Up to maximize pleasure
The ‘Legs Up’ position, also known as the ‘Fusion,’ ‘Getting a Leg Up,’ or the ‘Leg Up,’ is one of the best overall positions for both partners to achieve maximum pleasure. And, when pleasure levels rise, intimacy is bound to follow.
Here’s the lowdown on mastering the Legs Up:
- Sit on the bed facing each other with your legs forward.
- Put your arms back to support your weight and then move your hips closer together.
- He spreads his legs and she maneuvers on top, putting her hips between his spread legs.
- As she moves onto his shaft, she can lift her legs onto his shoulders and start rocking back and forth.
The Legs Ups is unbeatable for intimacy as you’re pleasuring each other in a facing position. You can communicate about what feels good, what you like and what you don’t like. This face-to-face position not only generates maximum pleasure with a simple motion, but it’s great for intimacy and eye-contact, helping foster a stronger bond.
If you were curious about how to have intimate sex, that’s about it! Throughout this guide, we’ve tried to place the emphasis on establishing the right conditions for intimacy. Things like communication, trust, tenderness, desire, and understanding all have to be in place if you want to have intimate sex. Without those things, sex is just a physical act.
We’ve also shown how both platonic and sexual acts such as touching, hugging, cooking, kissing, and massage can be combined to help create the right conditions for intimacy.
Following our tips and advice should help you breath new life into a stale relationship or take intimacy levels in an already strong relationship off the charts!