Sex In The Woods: Ultimate Guide

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If you’re a fan of nature, exhibitionism or voyeurism, and bugs (lots of bugs), having sex in the woods might not strike you as that much of a novelty. From the dawn of time, mankind has been intimately close to the elements that surround him, so having sex in a cave, in a lake, or at the foot of a mountain is… Nothing new.

Right? Why read this manual, then?

Oh, my young Padawan. You’ve much to learn. Sex in the woods can still be a new experience for even the most practiced of thrill-seekers. However, there are many precautions and considerations to keep in mind.

Turn this experience into much more than an innocent frolic in the woods with your partner. There are many details to get right for both you and your partner to have the most satisfactory experience… In every sense of the word.

So, in this article we’ll be going through:

Sex in the Woods: Basic Considerations

The first thing we must take into account is what kind of sex in the woods we’re talking about (yes, there’s more than one kind).

And being in a private vacation home in the woods of some Scandinavian country with all utilities and a king-sized bed isn’t one of them.

In this guide, we’ll be referring to the most primitive forms of sex in the woods:

Couples in the wild, fucking on the forest floor, against trees, both of them ass naked under the light of the moon. Unless you’re both cold, in which case you should probably both keep as many clothes on as possible.

If you’re on a camping trip, hiking, backpacking, or you want to step out of that fancy cabin you’re in for a quick fuck session in the woods for a change, this list of tips is for you.

Is Sex in the Woods a Good Idea? Should I Try It?

Sex in the woods, sex on the top of a building, sex in a back alley. Why do we try it if it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, potentially dangerous AND prohibited?

Well, precisely because of those reasons. The word “prohibited” is the keyword here. The experience of doing that which is not allowed is enough to provide anyone a good boost of adrenaline, which is an excellent natural aphrodisiac.

A situation with measured, calculated risks, like being discovered or seen, for example, can accelerate your heart rate and increase your endorphins, boosting your sexual response. Of course, fucking at the edge of an active volcano or submerged in a tank full of angry piranhas… Well, let’s just say it’s not what we mean when we say “calculated risks.”

We’re talking about changing the scenery into a place that is (arguably) a lot more “romantic.” You can try whispering in her ear how much you like her; how beautiful she looks under the light of the moon or the campfire, and then wrap your arms around her body and kiss her as the fire crackles and the embers dance harmoniously around her naked, trembling frame.

All this just before fucking her brains out. Girls cream their panties over that. Our favorite kind of romance!

And yet, there are aspects that you and your partner might find less fun when you go for a late-night rendezvous in the woods. Things like bugs, dangerous animals, and dirt.

Generally speaking, and this is important to point out, guys: women dislike twigs and dirt in their hair.

So, how can we guarantee to your partner that sex in the woods can be satisfactory, hygienic, and safe? Easy! Take precautionary measures.

Do you want to know what those are? That’s also easy!

Just keep reading.

What Should I Keep in Mind Before Having Sex in the Woods?

Sex in the woods doesn’t necessarily change the mechanics (there’s only so many holes or ways you can stick your dick in, after all) as much as the logistics. Sure, our ancestors probably had sex everywhere and anywhere they could, but civilization has (unfortunately, some might argue) drastically censored or inhibited our impulse to fuck.

Now, we are expected to control our sexual urges. It’s also true that our bodies have become feebler and less weather-worn than our pre-historic counterparts. That is why it is in your best interest to protect your body and your privacy at all costs.

If you’re on a several day-long camping adventure, you’ve probably brought a first-aid kit, water, a tent, sleeping bags, and marshmallows, but… What are some of the essential, elemental goods to take with you to a romantic weekend getaway in the woods?

Take note:

  • Wet wipes/Baby wipes
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Lube
  • Condoms
  • Gloves
  • Insect repellent
  • Get an app that identifies flora
  • External battery or portable charger

There may be a lot of other items you can add to this list just off the top of your head, but this is the definitive list of essentials before you should even begin to think about fucking in the woods, whether it be in the tent or outside it.

Personal Hygiene: When hunting, it’s sometimes suggested that you saturate your clothes with musk, that you don’t use soap, deodorants, or other cosmetic products that could affect your body odor. To get laid, you need to wear your cleanest, freshest attire and smell clean and fresh to, especially if you’ve just started dating her.

If, by any chance, the weather or the location doesn’t allow for access to bathhouses and portable showers are also out of the equation, that’s when the hand sanitizer and the baby wipes we told you to pack earlier come in handy. This doesn’t discard the possibility of you using soap and water for a good old-fashioned scrub down (preferably with some of her assistance), though!

We suggest you use some deodorant, too. You can get a pretty rank smell in your pits out there.

Put on as much insect repellent as you need… BUT! Be sure you avoid the head of your dick. Trust me; you don’t want that kind of burn.

The Best Places to Have Sex in The Woods

The good old tent:

There’s nothing as trustworthy or traditional as the tent when you’re looking to get laid. If you want a tried and tested method of having good sex in the woods when she’s afraid of bugs or critters, try putting a yoga mat down on the ground inside a tent (for greater comfort), and have at it! You may be thinking: “That’s cheating. If you fuck her in a tent, it’s no longer sex in the woods, is it?” You’re probably right.

The pleasure of trying something so savagely novel like having sex in the woods is lost to those who decide to lay down on a yoga mat (or, god forbid, a fucking inflatable mattress) inside a tent to have sex. If you’re the one trying to blow up a mattress for your comfort, well, try connecting with the caveman within you!

Sex in the woods has many exciting options to offer you for the small cost of some soreness and a bug or two. Man up!

Go For a Picnic:

Yeah, we know having a picnic sounds casual, fun, innocent, and a lot less complicated than hiking, camping, trekking, or any other “-ing” you and your sexual partner might be into, but if you want to eat something (other than her pussy) before a good session of sex in the woods, it’s good to have something in your stomach.

You have to find the right place to chill, where you both feel safe and have some cheese and wine, namely to chase that massive load of cum you shot down her throat just minutes before. May we suggest you eat her out while she dives into the aforementioned plate of fruit and sliced cheese? You’ll also want something to eat before fucking, after all.

Another benefit to the picnic blanket:

The picnic blanket provides the separation between your bodies and the grass, dirt, and humidity of the forest. So, an important aspect to consider is the size of the blanket: Is it large enough for the both of you to fuck comfortably on?

Yes? Good. Next, check to see that there aren’t any large rocks on the patch of land you decide to stretch the blanket over.

Finally, be sure to clean up after yourself!

Remember: you aren’t alone out there, and ants, bees, and bigger animals might want to investigate. It’s better to be safe than sorry. A good option to protect against these (potentially) dangerous critters is to have sex next to a bonfire.

The flickering lights from the campfire will set the mood just right, and the mystic ambiance of the forest will improve with the seductively dancing shadows the embers produce over her naked flesh. Be careful not to fuck too close to the fire, though; heated coals tend to jump.

Trust me, that shit fucking BURNS. Also, the ground and the rocks near the fire can get pretty damn hot. Yeah, no shit, right? That’s the point. Well, sure, but the main concern here is letting yourselves get carried away.

Don’t lose control. You want always to be mindful of the distance you are keeping from the fiery inferno near the fuck zone. Sex in the woods suddenly becomes a lot less fun if one of you ends up rubbing Aloe-Vera on that nasty burn on the other’s ass cheeks.

Al Fresco:

Does having sex in a cabin count as having sex in the woods? I guess if you open the window and a voyeuristic deer is staring directly at the two of you, It MIGHT.

But, you’d be missing the point. Fucking in a cabin in front of a chimney, no matter how “rustic” the cabin might be, is still just fucking in a cabin.

Don’t be a wimp. Put on some hiking boots. Get some fresh air. Get naked and let some sunshine hit those parts where the sun don’t shine.

Are you going for a ride?

Alright, so this idea has some potential. I like where you’re going with it! After all, you’d be combining three fantasies: sex in the woods, sex in a car, and sex in a public place. Gutsy! I’m all about commodity, and aside from marking it off my bucket list, taking advantage of every situation you can get is a smart way to play your hand.

It’s also an excellent alternative to fucking on the bare ground of the forest if you’re a few sleeping mats or a tent shy from having a campsite. It’s also worth mentioning that if you’re going for a quick ride in the woods in your truck with your girl, there are certain precautions that you may want to consider taking.

Remember: cars come with a hydraulic system on top of their wheels. That means that any movement inside will make it easy for anybody to decipher what’s going on inside.Find a safe spot and make every second count.

Against a tree:

There’s always the option of fucking against a tree. Grabbing her ass, hoisting her up, pushing her against a tree, and fucking her silly. As long as the tree’s bark is (relatively) smooth and isn’t covered in ants, you’ve scored.

Trees are a perfectly good surface to push her up against when you’re pounding into her. You should probably take a moment to inspect the surrounding area to make sure there aren’t any animals living in or around the tree (i.e. a beehive; that’d be fucking awful), and you should be good to go!

The tree option is a good one for a quickie, too. The only downside is that neither the place nor the amount of time allotted allows for an extensive session of foreplay. It’s a shame because there isn’t anything better than getting your dick sucked before fucking her brains out.

The same applies to have sex in the woods in general. If you’re having sex in the woods, you might likely choose to abstain from doing it entirely in the nude. Thus, some may decide to forego the foreplay altogether and get straight into the action. It’s the kind of sex that you might choose to have as a “sex escapade” story to share with friends over some brews.

Speaking of which

Kissing, sweet-talking, and exciting your partner using words alone is a great strategy to have successful sex in the woods (and other public places in general.) Touching, kissing, teasing one another and different kinds of romantic behavior can alert everyone around you of your intentions, and we’re sure that whatever place you choose as your venue to have sex in the woods at, you’d benefit greatly from not alerting campers, park rangers, or local fauna of what you’re about to do.

The campers and the park rangers aren’t a big deal here. It’s fauna. Trust me, you guys: Smokey the Bear is a LOT more intimidating in person. Not the kind of guy she’s going to want to fuck.

Let’s Take This Outside: Picking the Perfect Spot

It’s not about becoming Mr. Naturalist know-it-all to guestimate where the wind and humidity are least intense so as not to catch a cold. It’s all about security, comfort, and health. You want your privacy, but remember to be smart.

A corner of the forest that is surrounded by trees and a formation of rocks may look tempting. But just as it is tempting for you and your girl, there are probably other creatures and critters that find it cozy, as well.

Remember Smokey. We’ve already advised you to steer clear from ants and not to set up camp on top of a bunch of large rocks or jagged stones, but there are many other creatures to be wary of when having sex in the woods.

Snakes, ticks, and poisons ivy are habitual inhabitants of forested areas, not to mention bobcats, bears like Smokey, and frogs. Chicks freak out and go ape-shit when they see any wild animal, so stake out the location well if you don’t want to get left with blue balls and a massive hard-on.

In a Rush?

You can always use some lube (or, as I like to call it, pussy butter) to make the pounding easier and get going. We don’t always count on natural lubrication, you know?

Also, consider that every pussy is different and that not all of them will get wet with the excitement from dangerous situations. Some might tense up and be as dry as the Sahara. If you both want to try it and are in a hurry to get there, adding a little viscosity to the equation will add speed (and depth) to things.

Sex in the Woods: A Blessing in Disguise!

Ever wondered how you can use that portable charger you’ve had for the past few years? Well, here’s your chance to put it to use. You can use the external battery to charge a speaker with which you can drown the noise of the fucking.

What Surface Is Best?

If you’re out camping and dead set on having sex in the woods, what surface is best? An air mattress, a hammock, a sleeping bag…?

Well, it depends on the level of comfort you want to enjoy. Sex in the woods is certainly not going to be the most comfortable sex of your life, but it’s likely to be memorable and fun.

For example, there are separate sleeping bags that can zip together.

That offers an excellent opportunity for spoon-fucking without anybody noticing. Hell, you could be surrounded and get away with it.

Hammocks?

They look pretty cool hung between a tree and your truck, and it also doubles as a fuck swing. Air mattresses, while comfortable, are very inadequate; they tend to lose air with ease, and you’ll suddenly find yourselves lying on the ground on top of a flat blow-up mattress.

Lights Out!

Ever seen Austin Powers in “The spy Who Shagged Me”? Classic. If you have, you know where this is going. Shadows projected onto a tent wall can be very, well, suggestive.

If you’d like to maintain some semblance of intimacy while you ass fucks your lady, we suggest you turn off the lights. You may have to recur to your memory to finger fuck and lick her body where it pleases you to do so.

You’re probably going to have to feel your way around without so much light to guide you. If you’re a visual person, though, don’t worry, we’ve got the solution for you coming up. In the next section, we’ll explore the best positions to have sex in the woods into cum in plain view of Mother Nature.

What Are The Best Positions for Sex in the Woods?

With sex, every day is an opportunity to learn something new. With sex in the woods, you want to go in and out without getting caught, but make it worthwhile for both of you.

After all, no chick is going to forget how lovely the stars looked and how fresh the air felt that night you rammed her ass in the woods. But she’s unlikely to ignore the fact that you busted a nut pretty much right away.

We could go with the generic, safe route and toss her naked frame like a rag doll atop the sleeping bag inside the tent and go for missionary style.

Sure. But there are so many other ways to explore her body while having sex in the woods. New ideas that will make the experience awesome for both of you.

Now let’s explore the best positions when having sex in the woods.

Reverse Cowgirl:

Since it matches the surroundings perfectly, let’s incorporate some rodeo into the occasion. One of the advantages of this position is that it can be done almost fully clothed and, though it does require a lot of rigorous movement, it’s easier to disguise in a truck or behind a tree.

Another advantage is that you’d be sitting back comfortably while she rides you and does most of the work. Plus, there’s minimal contact with the forest ground throughout, so both of you can enjoy the experience to its fullest. Penetration in this position can be intense, and it’s quite easy to add a little bit of oral sex to the mix.

IMPORTANT!!! Make sure you scout the area thoroughly. Stumbling upon aggressive critters like ants, wasps, or even worse, rodents, would fuck up the whole adventure.

Spooning:

As we’ve mentioned before, spooning is the more comfortable and more discreet option for sex in the woods. It applies to couples who are on family trips or are near a lot of people and want to keep it to themselves. It gets the job done, but the downside is that it’s done too fast.

Anal Sex in the Woods:

I know you guys probably don’t like the movie, but Brokeback Mountain taught us something: in the middle of nowhere, one must make do with whatever resources are available to you. That being said, though it may seem tempting, health specialists advise not to use saliva to lube up a woman’s pussy or her asshole.

What’s the big deal? Aren’t we supposed to “go wild in nature”? What’s wilder and more natural than spit? Well, yeast infections, for example. Those are pretty natural. Also, spit doesn’t lubricate as efficiently as store-bought lubes do.

So, if you don’t want to force your cock into an asshole (and trust me, you don’t), it’s best to come prepared.

Latex gloves are a good idea as well. Pour some lube into a latex glove, tie it up, and stick it safely in your pocket. When the time is right, pull it out, flip it inside out (so the lube is on the outside now), and you can lube up whatever orifice you choose to penetrate.

Easy!

This trick works for any type of sex, and there’s another advantage: If you choose to finger her ass, you can always snap the glove off and save it in your pocket without so much as needing to wash your hands! That’s good news because you know, sometimes anal sex has its incidents, if you know what I mean.

See our favourite anal sex positions here.

Sex in the Woods: Always Be Prepared for the Worst

Having an external battery is essential nowadays. To have sex in the woods, it’s also crucial having an app that can tell you the difference between a mushroom and a death cap, or between a common shrub and poison ivy, which is vital. That way, you can choose a right, safe spot to lay down for a lay with your lady.

Poison ivy rashes after having sex in the woods suck, guys. Many applications can tell which plants are “the good guys” and which aren’t.It’s as easy as scanning the surrounding foliage to find out what’s around you. That way, you can avoid a rash, an itch, inflammation, and allergy.

The toxin that poison ivy can contaminate anything that comes into contact with its toxins. Can you imagine fingering her with a poisoned finger and then fucking her? Sex in the woods instantly becomes sex in hell. But that’s for another article.

Getting lost in the woods is another possible complication that can arise when you decide to have sex in the woods with your girl. When we want sex and privacy, some might choose to go into uncharted territory, away from the hiking trails, far from camping stations and ranger’s huts, outside of the zones of cellphone coverage.

When we’re done having sex, and we’re just standing there, nude, sticky, and with no water to wash up… The worst thing that could happen is forgetting how to get back to civilization.

More than Fun and Games:

Having sex in the woods is fun, but it’s also got a long list of cons. Getting lost in the forest can be deadly, so take this seriously. When you’re out playfully searching for a nice, comfortable, and secluded place for your romp n’ tussle, make sure you know how to get back. Even if you leave the camping grounds for a quick session of sex in the woods, take something to keep you hydrated and pack as many essentials as you can.

Pack enough to last you a few days to be safe. It sounds like a buzzkill, but trust me here, you’re better safe than sorry; the climate so far away from civilization can be tough, and take it from me. No hard-on can hold its own in sub-zero temperatures. Your dick will go limp as a cooked noodle.

Also, and this is NON-NEGOTIABLE… Take a map and a compass! Nothing against GPS’s, but they’ve got limited coverage, and they run on battery life, too.

Basics are basics for a reason. Stick to areas that have been chartered on a map, study said map, pick a spot and then head out with full gear. It’s been a minute, but I’m pretty sure Rambo isn’t a romantic chick-flic.

Also, never, under ANY circumstances, should you go for a stroll in the woods without the appropriate footwear. Wear sturdy boots that can protect you from sharp weeds and insect stings. It may sound romantic to step out of the lake with your girlfriend, nude, wearing anything but the skin on your bones, shivering and trembling of desire… until one of you steps on anything sharp.

Finally, if you’re among friends or people you can trust, you can let someone know where you plan on going and how long you should be out. That way, you’ll minimize the risk associated with getting lost on your trek.

Conclusion: It’s All About the Attitude

In this life, everything is about attitude. Even sex in the woods.

It isn’t the most comfortable and ideal option available to get pussy, but it’s pretty damn fun. Having sex in the woods is, especially for those lovers of the outdoors, an experience you must have at least once in your lifetime.

Doing away with all the comforts associated with fucking on a soft, goose-feather mattress and all that shit can open your eyes to a plethora of new experiences that you may have been inadvertently neglecting before.

However, and although I’m all for you two (or three, or four, or whatever) taking risks, you must always have an escape plan mapped out. So, strap on those boots, light those citronella candles, and fuck your girl until her pussy starts dripping.

 

2 thoughts on “Sex In The Woods: Ultimate Guide”

  1. Me and my husband had sex in the woods behind our house last weekend. There was a bonfire and everything. It was kinda magical. Love these tips though.

    Reply

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